Levy Flight

Waiting is so hard. I often find that waiting is hard in pretty much every area of my life. We live in a culture where we can get almost anything we want at a moment’s notice…netflix instant streaming, Starbucks coffee anytime, fast food, 24 hour grocery stores, etc. I am not condemning out culture for that (maybe I can condemn it for other reasons), but I notice something that it brings out in me.

Yes, if I’m honest it was already there. I don’t like to wait. Somewhere deep inside I feel like I deserve instant gratification. Another vestige of my human soul twisted by the fall; beautiful in its design, so flawed in its current form.

We started the adoption process about 5 months ago. I know a few people that had their kids home from Ethiopia after 6 months….don’t I deserve the same thing? Maybe some part of me wants that for our kids, at least I hope so. But some other part of me still puts me at the center of the universe. We’re ready for our kids to be here so they should be here, right? Please cue up my netflix movie now.

Something is redeeming and resonates deeply when I am fully present in the now but not yet. It’s true of the children we are adopting (their ours but not yet), it’s true of how I relate to God (I know Him but not fully yet), and it’s true of me (still becoming who I am made to be but somehow perfect already in who I am). I think the reason that immediate satisfaction feels better is that I can have “it” now. But then I remember that “it” is more meaningful when I embrace the journey required to get there.

So, along the way, the government of Ethiopia issued a public release that they would only process 5 applications per day now. Last year, over 3000 orphans were adopted from Ethiopia. Simple math reveals that there will be far fewer adoptions this year and for us that probably means a longer wait. We don’t know how long. Our agency will deliver our first package to our kids this week with some clothes and a small picture book as their first introduction to our family. We’ve know who they are but this week they will “meet” us for the first time. And now we wait…

As I mentioned in our previous post, we are in a new phase of the adoption! B (a 5 year old boy) & B (a 2 year old girl) are brother and sister from near the Sudan border in Ethiopia. They are ours now!!!…but we have to wait until we get a court date in Ethiopia for it to be official (therefore, we can’t share their names or any pictures yet). This could take anywhere from 2 to 10 months. It is so hard to be in the time of now but not yet…knowing they are ours but we can’t bring them home.

We know a little about their family. Their mom is still alive and they have two older brothers. However, their dad died sometime last year and she could not care & provide for all four of them. They came to the orphanage with some health challenges and both had pretty significant malnutrition. The orphanage in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia has been able to provide good care for them and their health is already improving. Our desire is to bring them home as soon as possible and maintain contact with their biological mom and other siblings.

“Indeed our lives are guided by faith…” 2 Corinthians 5:7

This post is a little late since we just got matched so I will post this first, then another one later. As many of you know already, we are taking a new step forward in our journey and would like to invite you to engage alongside us. Around the time Ripken (3 yrs) was born, God began putting international adoption on our hearts. He was wooing us to the idea as our paths were intertwining with many amazing families with adoption as part of their story. We began to pray. It is an overwhelming idea, to add children to the family, knowing there are so many variables with international adoption and it is costly. Over time the Father has molded our hearts, struck down some fear and drawn us into His dreams for our family that clearly include a child or sibling unit from Africa.

We began talking to people who have adopted internationally. We began to involve our kids in praying (they are so excited!) We have asked our friends to pray. We have met with an adoption agency here locally. God has confirmed that it is time to move forward with international adoption. He gave Anne these words that I think represent the heart and vision God has communicated to us as we take this step of faith:

“Would you take us in our weakness and depravity? Would you give us the opportunity to love children from across the world who ARE poverty and who are fatherless, would you entrust them to us because you have chosen to teach us and walk beside us in mirroring to our family and our community what you have so graciously taught us. We were orphans and you chose to draw us into your embrace, to provide for us. We had not experienced your love and you lavished it upon us.”

This is not an easy road. God has specifically put Ethiopia, Africa on our hearts. We are asking Him if we are to adopt one or two children (a sibling unit)….and what age. We need wisdom now as we take some important steps forward and make important decisions. We need His grace, continued direction, strength and love. We are expectantly praying for the child(ren) that God has for our family.

We need to raise a significant amount of special financial gifts as international adoption can cost over $30,000 (a little over $40,000 for two). The Lord has already begun to bring some of this money in, and we are confident that He will provide for us. We will also do a significant amount of paperwork for the adoption agency, US government & Ethiopian government. The process can be as quick as 5 months or a year or more.

Maybe God has already put orphans on your heart or maybe He will prompt you to give or pray in some special way. Whatever the case, we wanted you to know this exciting part of our journey and our story.

Love to you, our family & friends,
Paul & Anne Alexander, Albany, Kestae & Ripken

I am obsessed with the Tour de France. I freely admit it. There is lots that I could write about….the peleton, the team work, the echelon….but today I am thinking about the lead out. Everyone needs a lead out and everyone needs to be a lead out.

What’s the lead out? On some of the flatter stages, sprinters always win but they never lead until the last 200 meters. Why? The lead out. The teammates of the sprinters get right in front to lead them up to the front. They shield them from the wind, allowing them to save their legs for the last 200 meters. The sprinters are then at their best for what they do best….ride really fast for a short burst that will won the stage. That would never happen without the lead out. By the way, the lead out finishes pretty low in the standings because he uses all of his energy to get his sprinter to the front.

Unlike the Tour, where you only play one role for most of the race, I think life & living in community requires us to play lots of different roles. Why do I need to lead out of others? What does that look like in my life? Am I ok letting others lead out for me? Good questions for me to ponder.

I was looking through some old papers today and I found something I had written down. Somebody else said it, but I can’t remember who (so if you know, give me a heads up so I can give credit). I think it represents one aspect of relationship:

When we hurt, it is hard to dream because we only see the hurt and the person or thing that hurt us. The person who hurts envisions us as their possession. When we love the hurting well, we help others see they are only God possession. We speak vision into their life. Sometimes those are words and sometimes it just means listening. Sometimes, when they hurt so bad they can’t dream, they need us to dream for them. And sometimes, we need others to dream for us.

I’m sure whoever said that, said it much more eloquently, but you get the point. My friend McKenzie always talks about God’s love and how He feels about us. I think she’s obsessed with it and I think that’s the key. Obsession with God’s love keeps us from obsession with ourselves or worrying about how someone else feels about us. Those second things seem pretty unsatisfying and really not worth worrying about, especially when it was God that was first loving us.

Parenting is hard. I think God gave us three wonderful kids, but knowing how to invest in these little people cannot be answered with a formula. Each child is different, so even the decisions we make about each one varies daily. Maybe in a post soon, I will give you the run down on some of the uniquenesses of each one. Our family is part of the Status Community of Discovery Church and we are part of a small group on Monday nights. There are so many things that are unique and wonderful about Status but one of the best is the intergenerational view of the community.

The small group consists of our entire family and 8 other individuals that I love very much. They challenge me in new ways every day that we are together. We don’t have childcare for the kids (who range from age 3 to 11). They participate in every moment…from dinner to sharing to prayers. To be honest, I wasn’t sure how this would work and some gatherings are easier than others. Our most recent time together was actually one of the hardest but also one of the best.

We met in the back of a small local restaurant on the waterfront to watch the documentary Somewhere near Tapachula. Ripken quickly plopped down on the front row by McKenzie. Albany and Kestae were at a nearby table. The first part of the film was inspiring, moving and even fun at times. Then, we started to hear the individual stories of some of the 54 children that are currently at the orphanage. My heart broke and I became more and more engrossed in their stories. Somewhere around the time that one of them was talking about living on the streets before coming to the orphanage, I realized that my kids were hearing some very hard things. We heard stories about cutting, parents dying, going days without food….and it wasn’t a concept. We were hearing first hand from the very kids whose lives had intersected with these horrible things that none of us (let alone kids) were ever meant to experience. I suddenly felt a bit panicked inside…should my kids be hearing this stuff? Aren’t I supposed to protect them from these awful things?

When we got in the car to head home, I started asking the kids how they felt and what they remembered, maybe somehow secretly praying that they magically forget or have been busy watching boats on the water. After about ten minutes of answers like “I don’t know” and “I’m not sure”, I asked Albany who she remembered the most from the film. Big tears suddenly filled her eyes as she quickly said Roxie. I remembered Roxie too. She probably had the most horrific childhood that I could imagine. Again, as we started crying together, I felt that panic…I should have protected Albany from hearing this. She doesn’t need to know about this stuff. I asked for Jesus’ help. I do that often, as I find myself in need of His help quite often.

It was pretty clear in that moment, the one right after I panicked again, that I could never protect them from knowing about evil. Of course, everything has its season and I would never put them in harm’s way, but in this moment, as dad, I needed to point to Jesus instead of protect them. We talked about the redemption in Roxie’s story. We talked about Alan and Pam, modern day heroes, that were the hands and feet of Jesus to Roxie and hundreds of other kids over the years. We talked about how we could help.

I am grateful for my community and on this night, I feel grateful for hard things. Most of all, I pray that when my three little ones do experience the hardest things in life, somewhere they will find a reminder that points them back to Jesus.

Today is Kestae’s 9th Birthday. Last night, we had dinner with some friends and he put together a short video in her honor. As we finished dinner, we went around the room and shared the things we love about Kestae…creativity, thoughtfulness, her style, the way she loves others…were some of the things that were shared. These are all true of Kestae. Today started early as the girl’s annual dance recital began at 1 pm. This is a highly anticipated event. After, we hit dinner out at a restaurant that the girl’s choose. It is great to have days that I ignore the yard work, bills and the worries of life to focus on more important things like loving my kids and celebrating them. As you think about praying for our family, one request would be that Anne and I, despite all of our flaws, would always point them to Jesus. I hope that days like this give them a small glimpse of the tremendous love that Father has for them & the way he celebrates them everyday.

Last night Anne and I took the kids to a baseball game in Chicago. Leading up to the game, I found myself thinking a lot about the hassle of fighting traffic in downtown Chicago, the cold (yes, I am from Florida and yes, I think 50 degrees is cold), and lots of other things that might hinder my ultimate comfort.

Once we arrived, I had a different experience. I watched my son just beaming with delight…happy to be together with the family and happy to soak in the new experience. Even at three years old, he kept asking when the first ball would go over the fence (don’t we all love gorilla ball). When Kotsay drove one deep, Ripken threw his arms up and clapped his hands above his head. Fireworks went off and his eyes gleamed with delight.

I don’t think the kids ever notice the cold or the traffic. They gaze was focused on the experience itself. I realize that I spend way too much of my life worrying about what could go wrong or what could prevent me from circumstantial comfort. I miss the sheer enjoyment of experience, newness, and relationship.

My kids do complain so they don’t have this mastered either. But ultimately, I think I would do well to trade the lenses I so often see the world through for some that usually seem to fit my kids a little better.

So I might be a few years late to this dance but better late than never. This first blog is dedicated to thanking my friend Dennis Brockman who was instrumental in getting us set up in the online world. This would be a bit too complex for me without him. Thanks Dennis.